I don't know about you, but I'm sick of feeling crummy about the world. Sick, I say! Sick!

 

So it's times like these I'm thankful to folks like Dave Barry for helping us feel good about feeling sick. Er...Or something. Check out his "Year in Review."

 

 

 

Some excerpts:

 

"In other hopeful news, President Bush, seeking to patch up the troubled relationship between the United States and its European allies, embarks on a four-nation tour. When critics note that two of the nations are not actually located in Europe, the White House responds that the president was ``acting on the best intelligence available at the time.''

 

 

 

"A study by researchers at the University of Utah proves what many people have long suspected: Everybody talking on a cell phone, except you, is a moron."

 

 

"President Bush, in a decisive response to sharply rising gasoline prices, delivers a major speech proposing that Americans switch to nuclear-powered cars. In a strongly worded rebuttal, angry Congressional Democrats state that, because of a scheduling mix-up, they missed the president's speech, but whatever he said, they totally disagree with it, and if they once voted in favor of it, they did so only because the president lied to them."

 

 

"Elsewhere abroad, European Union leaders are stunned when the proposed EU constitution is overwhelmingly rejected by French voters, who apparently do not care for the Deodorant Clause. President Bush visits Russia for an important photo opportunity, after which he describes Russia as ``a foreign country where they speak Russian,'' an assertion that is immediately challenged by Congressional Democrats."

 

"But the juiciest story by far in Washington is the riveting scandal involving New York Times reporter Judy Miller, who is jailed for refusing to answer questions before a grand jury called by special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald, who is trying to find out whether the name of CIA agent Valerie Plame was leaked to columnist Robert Novak by an administration source such as presidential confidants Karl Rove or Ari Fleischer, or Lewis ``Scooter'' Libby, chief of staff to vice president Dick ``Dick'' Cheney, in an effort to discredit Plame's husband, former ambassador Joseph Wilson, in connection with the use of allegedly unreliable documents concerning . . . Hey! Wake up! This is important!"

 

"In sports, Lance Armstrong rides down the Champs-Elysees, raising his arms in a triumphant gesture, which causes the French army to surrender instantly"

 

"Abroad, Western nations become increasingly suspicious that Iran is developing nuclear weapons when a giant mushroom cloud rises over the Iranian desert. The Iranian government quickly issues a statement explaining that the cloud was caused by, quote, ``mushrooms.'' As a precautionary measure, France surrenders anyway."

 

 

Read the whole thing